Sticks and Stones
by Cakestar
Summary: You can call her all the bad names you want, but the truth is, there's more to Santana than just sex.


**Sticks and Stones

* * *

**

You can call her all the names you want. A slut, a bitch, a whore, she's heard them all, and she really can't say that she gives a shit. She likes sex, and that's all there is to it, and there's nothing wrong with that, so get off your high horse and stop looking down on her like she's some little piece of nothing, because really, she's _everything_. She's beautiful and smart and she's got all the attention in the fucking world, so seriously, just back the fuck off, because you can't hurt her.

Everything's perfect, couldn't be better. She's got all that she wants in life.

_Really_.

* * *

Santana was never neglected as a child. It's not that, honest. She grew up surrounded by love, and she was the kind of person who always, _always_ shone, no matter what. Everyone was instantly drawn to her, and maybe she got a little arrogant with it, and maybe she was a little mean, but that didn't matter as long as she was beautiful.

She was always better than everyone else. She was a princess, and she always needed more, and she just couldn't stand competition. She always got what she wanted, and she would just not put up with some other prissy little bitch coming along and trying to take what was hers. No one could have anything until she decided it was okay.

* * *

Because she was so pretty, boys always wanted her. Even when they were innocent little kids in elementary school, boys would either bully her more than the other girls because they liked her, or they'd pass notes and try to kiss her on the cheek, which was apparently a huge deal to kids. (She honestly can't say that she even remembers a time when a kiss on the cheek would be considered a big deal.)

She remembers her first kiss, though, even if it was totally innocent. Maybe that's actually _why_ she remembers it. It's funny, because she was, like, ten years old, and it was kind of awkward and weird and she wasn't even sure if she liked it all that much, but it was her first kiss, and maybe that's why she's always had such a soft spot for Brittany.

* * *

The thing is, Santana doesn't see anything wrong with just liking sex. Honestly, it's none of your fucking business that she likes to fuck, and at least she's not deluding herself with the idea that sex is only something people do when they're in love.

Actually, the truth is, people have sex because it feels _good_. Fuck the whole "waiting until marriage" thing and "it's an act only performed by two people in love"—the fact is, the world shoves sex down everyone's throats in ads and music and TV and movies, and all over the fucking place, and it's not because they want you to wait forever to start fucking, it's because they know that people are doing it and they're doing it because it's _good_.

So yeah, Santana sleeps around a lot. But she does it because she likes to fuck and that's that, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone else probably would too, if they were as hot as she was.

* * *

Santana also remembers losing her virginity, kind of. She's not really sure if she remembers right, because she was fourteen and most if it kind of started blending together until basically everything was just one big mess of fucking.

She remembers that her first time was also his first time, so things were a little bit awkward too, and neither of them were great in bed yet, but neither of them knew it either. So even if they were just kids, and even if they weren't great, they pretty much rocked each other.

She also remembers that she thought they were in love, or at least he said he loved her, and she remembers how good it felt to hear those words.

"I love you," he said, and he was kissing her jaw and she was giggling a little bit because they were being so _naughty_ and sex was still such a taboo subject to everyone, but here she was, about to have sex, and she felt like a rebel and it felt _good_.

So she said "say it again" and her hands were in his hair and his head was going down to her neck and she could feel him breathing all over her skin and it was seriously _hot_, and then he was whispering "I love you" again and she seriously couldn't get enough of it so she said "say it again" again and she was smiling and she couldn't stop and her face hurt a bit from how much she was smiling, and he said "I love you" again and she really wanted to tell him to say it again, but then she couldn't talk because, oh god, his hands and mouth were all over her chest and instead of actual words all she could do was moan.

That's all she really remembers. She knows that she kept on telling him to say it again, because eventually, she could make herself talk again. But anything past that is just like any other time, because fucking is fucking is fucking is fucking, and she remembers feeling good and liking what she was doing, but that's about it. The thrill of the forbidden act was gone, and instead all she felt was his cock and hands and breath muscles _euphoria_.

And then they were done, and a few days later they broke up, and she realized that even if she wasn't in love with anyone she really wanted to have sex, and it's kind of funny because Santana can't remember that kid's name anymore.

* * *

It's not that you _have_ to be in love to have sex, it's that Santana didn't know yet that it was okay to have sex without love. The whole world shoves that down your throat too, but Santana, after her first time, she only really knew one thing: sex felt good, and she wanted more of it. Would she like for it to be with someone she loved? Of course. But did it matter to her? Not really.

But the thing is, the thing is Santana's really possessive of her things. She doesn't like to let things go, and when she does, she likes for everyone to know that they still _really_ belong to her, she just has to drop them sometimes to let them know what they're missing.

So when she dropped Puck, and he went running to Quinn all suddenly "in love" with little miss preggo princess, Santana was pissed. She knew that he was fucking women on the side, but none of them meant anything, and she didn't really care, but Quinn was different. He liked Quinn and he took care of her, and he respected her, because seriously, who the fuck had _babysitting dates_ where they play mommy and daddy?

So yeah, she was pissed, and she had to make sure Puck remembered who was hot and who knew him best.

So she sexted him, and when that didn't have him running back, she got her nice implants.

* * *

Santana wonders when she actually started _liking_ Brittany. Brittany was sweet and adorable and Santana could feel herself go soft every time she was talking to Brittany. They were best friends, they were fuck buddies, and maybe there were some feelings getting involved, but it wasn't always like that, really.

When they kissed that first time, they were straight up playing spin the bottle at Brit's birthday party. Most times, when two girls or two boys would have to kiss, they'd just do a kiss on the cheek or something, because it was friendly, but Santana was different. It was her first kiss and everyone else was gross, and she didn't want her first kiss to be with someone gross, and Brit was her best friend, so why not?

(She also didn't know then that a girl liking a girl wasn't a bad thing. They were kids and kids always were too judgmental and harsh on each other, and if one person was even a little bit different from everyone else they were made fun of _forever_ and Santana was too popular to let that happen.)

So she kissed Brittany and it was funny because it felt completely natural, even though everyone was screaming, some of them yelling that it was gross, some of them just yelling, but everyone's eyes were just popping out of their heads, and Santana thought that they were all just making a big deal for nothing, because people always kissed people they cared about and Santana cared about Brittany, so why not?

* * *

The thing is, Santana's in love with Brittany, and she has been for a long time. She's not sure if it's just friend love with an added sexual attraction that makes them fuck buddies, or if it's a romantic love, but she knows that Brit's her girl and she'll do anything, _anything_ for Brittany. Even if Brit's a little dumb and doesn't know much about anything, Santana has always got her back, and she probably always will. There's something connecting them, because she makes sure Brit isn't hurt, and Brit makes sure she's _human_ like everyone else.

But the thing is, Brittany has this thing going on with Wheels now, and she's really serious about it, and Santana feels kind of abandoned. Because, okay, she's surrounded by love, and her family loves her and she knows Brit loves her, but she and Brit used to have this kind of bubble that they lived in where even if they were in separate relationships, they still made out and they still made love, and it was still good, but not with Artie.

So Santana, she doesn't know what to do, and she seriously just needs to find someone. She didn't realize before then how dependent she was on Brittany, because she was always the more dominant one. But Brittany, she's everything, and it scares Santana to know that without Brittany she's nothing, and without Brittany, a part of her is empty, because Santana Lopez, she doesn't depend on _anyone_ but herself.

And apparently Brittany.

So now, Santana feels small, and yeah, okay, she's not neglected, and she's not unloved, but she really _feels_ that way, because for the first time, Puck isn't running after her for sex, and for the first time, Brittany isn't always available, and for the first time, Finn's ashamed that they fucked, and Santana is confused.

So yeah, go ahead and call her a slut, or a bitch, or a whore, it doesn't matter. She's heard it all before, and it won't hurt her. Because the thing is, it's _not_ true, and she knows it's not. She likes sex, and maybe that's just a part of who she is, and maybe she actually needs Brit to get with Wheels so she can learn to still be Santana without Brittany, and maybe this will be good for her. And maybe she's not satisfied with life right now, and maybe everything isn't okay yet, but Santana's a tough bitch and she knows it _will_ be.

Really, it will.

* * *

**AN:** APPARENTLY I LIKE WRITING ANGSTY LITTLE ONE-SHOTS WHERE I TRY TO EXPLORE CHARACTERS. And where I don't do a great job of it, but whatevs. And where I always end up writing something way off what I was planning on writing in the beginning, but then new ideas just happen all over the place and I write them instead and it's a mess, and THIS IS MY SANTANA.

**I own my collection of 3D glasses, but I don't own Glee~**


End file.
